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Lithuania's Room, Sunday Night Week Six
[Lithuania finishes the designated killer meeting and brings Spain back to his room. He ties Spain up--though not tightly--and returns to his own room in silence, maintaining his stoicism perfectly.
He starts shaking only once he's hidden under his blankets. He should have guessed--the designated killers had every reason to hate Lithuania, and if they had to murder anyway, if someone had to die in their place in the trial anyway, why not Poland? And that's why it had been so vitally important that he not react at all. It had hurt to maintain that mask and pretend Poland didn't matter to him, but his only hope was that if they didn't think he was important they would have no particular urge to target him. Lithuania has so many emotions tangled up in Poland now that it's really starting to become dangerous, but he hadn't expected it to happen until he was already in the middle of it all.
On top of those concerns he has the guilt from the trial. He'd helped to get Latvia hanged knowing the entire time that Spain was the right target. He'd even voted for Latvia. What feels the worst, though, and coils around his mind and haunts his idle moments, is that when he saw the results, his first emotion had been relief. It hadn't been Poland and it hadn't been Spain and there was a moment where that was all he could focus on. That the guilt swallowed him up after didn't help him sleep any better at night (actually, it contributed the exact opposite quality to his nights).
Sometimes he wonders what he's doing. There are important rules about his behavior, but there's so much that he gets to decide for himself, as well--it's almost like they're mocking him, letting him pretend at really being any sort of mastermind. All he's really doing is following after the murders and cleaning up to the best of his ability as he sees fit. He sleeps terribly now, even without nightmares, and he finds himself turning to his liquor cabinet more and more often to numb his brain into unconsciousness. Of course, he can only do that on days where he's reasonably sure there won't be a murder or trial, and maybe that only makes it worse.
Why is he playing? To protect his people. He wasn't lying when he said he dreamed of bombs.]
He starts shaking only once he's hidden under his blankets. He should have guessed--the designated killers had every reason to hate Lithuania, and if they had to murder anyway, if someone had to die in their place in the trial anyway, why not Poland? And that's why it had been so vitally important that he not react at all. It had hurt to maintain that mask and pretend Poland didn't matter to him, but his only hope was that if they didn't think he was important they would have no particular urge to target him. Lithuania has so many emotions tangled up in Poland now that it's really starting to become dangerous, but he hadn't expected it to happen until he was already in the middle of it all.
On top of those concerns he has the guilt from the trial. He'd helped to get Latvia hanged knowing the entire time that Spain was the right target. He'd even voted for Latvia. What feels the worst, though, and coils around his mind and haunts his idle moments, is that when he saw the results, his first emotion had been relief. It hadn't been Poland and it hadn't been Spain and there was a moment where that was all he could focus on. That the guilt swallowed him up after didn't help him sleep any better at night (actually, it contributed the exact opposite quality to his nights).
Sometimes he wonders what he's doing. There are important rules about his behavior, but there's so much that he gets to decide for himself, as well--it's almost like they're mocking him, letting him pretend at really being any sort of mastermind. All he's really doing is following after the murders and cleaning up to the best of his ability as he sees fit. He sleeps terribly now, even without nightmares, and he finds himself turning to his liquor cabinet more and more often to numb his brain into unconsciousness. Of course, he can only do that on days where he's reasonably sure there won't be a murder or trial, and maybe that only makes it worse.
Why is he playing? To protect his people. He wasn't lying when he said he dreamed of bombs.]